Pull up a chair and hear my tale of terror

 

Join me this morning with your cup of tea or coffee as I tell you of my traumatic experience of hitting a mental blank and not knowing where I was. Firstly, know that I am in my peri menopausal state and hence the immense brain fogs that hit me every now and then. Those ladies who are going through what I am will know exactly what I am talking about.  Secondly, know that I only like to travel on routes that I am well adversed in as I get terrible panic attacks if I find myself in unknown territory. And thirdly, I have only been living here for the last 4 years and do not know the area that well and it has many, many roads that lead nowhere, so to speak. Normal roads all lead to a main road but definitely not up here.

So this morning I was en route to pick up my boyfriend’s son to drop him off at his friend. Normally, I am fine with it as I know the route off by heart. But my boyfriend is at the moment down and out with fevers (hence why I was being the taxi driver today) so my mind was on him. Now the road I was travelling on has 2 turnoffs that I normally take, one for the school and the other for his son’s house. So I am on auto pilot as my mind is not totally focused on where I am driving as I was worried over my boyfriend and I turned off towards the school. So, I then decided to turn off into one of the side roads thinking it would lead back towards the main road (first mistake…) but nope it sure as heck did not. I turned left, I turned right and so on looking for a road name that I know. But my mind had hit a total blank and for the life of me I could not even remember the street name of where I had to go.

Blank…..total Blankness!!!!!!

I eventually found myself on some road leading to another suburb! I had even gone into the wrong direction!! Then the panic set in and I felt like crying, I had no cooking clue where I was and the terror of being lost hit me. That was mistake no 2……. I was ready to pull off the road and weep like a baby. Thank goodness I forced myself to be calm and focus on looking for something familiar….. At last a street name I knew. Finally I was back into the main stream and I found the school I knew and back onto the main road. Gosh, did I get a stress headache from that.

Needless to say my bf’s son burst into laughter at my dilemma. Why didn’t I phone my boyfriend you ask? I did but his phone was on silent as he was sleeping…….

Moral of the story: Do not let your mind wander on other things while driving especially during menopause and when you suffer from bad brain fog!!

Bloggers and writers

Writers write books of all kinds, poets write poetry and bloggers write blogs. Some writers become bloggers and vice versa. I have read some very eloquent and well versed blogs. I am not a writer of novels even though I would have loved to be an author. The words that come into my head somehow cannot form onto paper so I turned to the blogging world instead to write down all the thoughts that float through my head. Yet, again, they do not form exactly as they I would like them. But they do make some sense, well I hope that they do.

But my dream of writing a novel still floats in my dream of dreams. I then got to thinking, what if I took the better blogs that I have written and posted and put them into a book form. So I have started to sift through the year and half’s blogs and will take the best ones, in my opinion, and start to formulate them into a small novel. I do not think that a publisher will take them as they are rather of the amateur nature but I think that I will post them online.

My blogs are not very long as I once read that a successful blog is not a longwinded one but short and sweet and to the point.

So please go onto my blog and read all that I have written and post your comments so that I can see which ones will make it into my little dream of a novel. Help me make one of my dreams come true.

Don’t leave your lifelong dream on the shelf!

 

Yesteryear, when I was in school, we never had career counselling and unfortunately my lovely late mother was a Home Executive (a fantastic one as well) and had no knowledge herself on aiding her children in the ways of subject choices for future studies. As a result I could not fulfil my lifelong dream of being a Liberian. I have a love affair with books, the written word and have always loved the feel and smell of books. Leave me in a book store and I am in Heaven, I will wonder around picking up this one and that one. I absolutely get lost in the world of wonders of a mystery novel, live the adventures in an action novel, get absorbed into an autobiography….. You get the picture.

So I went onto another career and I did enjoy it but I still had that pull towards books. Now I am proud to say that I have turned myself back towards my dream of being surrounded by books. I may not be able to work in an environment that gives me the opportunity to lend books out and help those asking about authors, but now I am in the position to actually sell books to those who live in my world. I am now able to gather the written word and surround myself with them and be privileged to see them go to good homes.

Yes, you have guessed it. I am know going to open a bookstore that is not only going to stock new books but also good condition 2^nd hand books. I feel that there is a great need for both. For those who can afford the new and also to assist those who cannot and by doing so, ensure that the books go to good homes at all times. Then to top it all I intend to open up a small tea garden so that once you buy your chosen book you can slip into a comfortable chair, sip a hot or cold drink, dip your fingers into delicious nibbles while you enter the world of mystery of the chosen book.

So to all those out there who have had a chosen dream but have been unable to fulfil it there is always a way to turn yourself back towards it. It may not be the actual same dream but still in the same line. It is really up to you to decide if it is still your heart’s desire and to make sure that you do it. One is never too old to fulfil a dream. Don’t let it gather too much dust, go out there and find a way to fulfil it.

I am so excited over my book store and as they say……watch this space!

 

I Came, I Saw, I Conquered!

Change, how I use to dread change of any kind. I use to hate moving house and  I have moved quite a good few times, since childhood I can count 13 times to be exact. Makes you actually realise why I use to hate change (and moving). But yes, change of any sort I kinda cringed at it. I would spiral into a spat of depression at the thought of having to give up the comfort zone that I had created.

But look at me know! I have come to embrace change and even encourage it. I have started to open my mind to the amazing opportunities that are out there. To leave my comfort zone and go and explore the unknown. I have moved to a province 4 years ago on my own and far away from any safety net of family and I love the freedom of it. I loved the absolute stunned reactions to those close around me when I did this. I have started to study again and to expand my mind. I have allowed myself to become a new version of my old self.

Change is good for you, it allows you to explore that which is around you. To head into avenues that you have always avoided. Comfort zones are good but it can be boring and you will find yourself becoming stagnate.

Now I am not saying to go and be a daredevil and do dangerous things but go and try out new things, move house into a new area, step out of that comfort zone and live your life to the max. Go out there and voice your opinions, be brave and cut your hair into a daring new hairstyle, colour it outrageously. Go skydiving, go on a safari that you have always wanted to go on, try a new sport, and go on that adventure that you have always dreamed of. Write that novel that is sitting in your head, become that poet you think that you are. Stop worrying what others will think of you and reinvent yourself.

Now, I am not just meaning Change in the sense of clothes, work, house and the physical things, I am also talking about change in yourself. Stop being a doormat, learn to say No and actually mean it. Stop being a pushover and let someone else take the limelight for a change. Be more accepting of others and their faults, be more human, become more independent, say what you mean and mean what you say. Stop being a real arrogant A-hole and actually listen to those around you. Stop being that ‘pleasing others’ person and stand up for yourself.

Oh I can go on and on but I think you kinda get the message.

Go ahead and conquer that deep fear inside you.

I am changing my way of thinking on a daily basis and yes, I know it is hard but if I can do it at my age, you sure can……

Change……how I relish it now!

I CAME, I SAW AND I SURELY CONQUERED MOST OF MY FEARS AROUND CHANGE!

The Cheese

Dear Blogging Diary

 

 

Dear Diary

It has been over a year now that I have been blogging and I am thoughly enjoying it. I started off totally oblivious to the actual dedication that would be needed to blog. Now I find it very stimulating as I have to actually think of subjects to write on. Some of them have been a “miss” and some have been really good. I am still learning new things in the blogging world and I am enjoying it. I will take any advice on it as I am still very much techno challenged and half the time I have no cooking clue as to what people actually mean when they talk computer techno language.

But that will not deter me. I find that blogging is a lovely casual way to get ones thoughts out there. Almost like writing a “Dear Diary” for the world to read. I am thankful for the few followers that I have and boy, do I follow quite a few bloggers as well. They write on all sorts of things, I follow poets, photographers, doggy bloggers as well as mommy bloggers, bloggers who have such amazing views on the world around them and those who do not give a fig and write just what they want to.

Blogging is a whole new world where one can voice your opinion, post your poems, write on your thoughts and, well, just about anything.  I am so glad that I started this way of writing. I don’t have to worry about characters and plots, mind maps on the story lines and well, everything a novel writer has to worry about.

I even do not worry about how popular my blog is or not. I am having the time of my life with this. Soon I will be able to hopefully broaden my travel blog as a proper granny on the move this year. Then I will be able to also write on the joys of finding new places and sharing it with you, to allow you to follow my delights in tasting and experiencing new foods, new cultures, and new adventures.

But I will not close off this blog as this is my “Dear Diary” and I really love putting all my thoughts into worlds and sending it out there.

I truly am having so much fun with this. Goes to show, you are never too old to try new things even if you are techno lingo challenged….

Practice what you preach

 

If you have been either reading my posts and/ or following my blog you will notice that I have been writing on changing oneself, watching what you say, about starting a gratitude book, going on a complaints fasting, about living your life and enjoying it Well, one has to practice what one preachers and I have been trying my hardest to do what I write on.

I have started a gratitude book and so far I am proud to say that I have a few entries and will continue to write in it all that I find gratitude in.

I have gone on a complaint fast but honestly, I have let a few slip through as it is easier said than done. But I will prevail on this one.

I try to always stay positive even when things are going hard. I allow myself an hour of dwelling on the bad side and then I force myself to start thinking on the positive and things do start to look rosy again.

I will try to look for the positive in the negative side of life and I prefer to surround myself with positive people as those who are negative all the time tend to suck you into their black hole…..they become like an emotional vampire and suck all the positive out of you.

I have even gone a bit further and am trying to honestly be a better version of myself. I am know also holding my words and really, really trying to think on the positive sides in people. I am even trying to listen to the most boring of people (my neighbour) and even trying to hold a conversation with him (which is very hard as all he can talk about is him being a victim of his circumstances).

I can safely say that I have seen a change in myself. I am a bit more patient with others (and with myself). I am finding myself more at peace with myself and my surroundings. I am being honest here and can say that I am not always ‘peaceful’ and do still find myself getting irritated with those who are not very thoughtful of those around them.  I am not going to claim to be a saint as I am only human but I can try my hardest to live my life with honour and with love towards my fellow man. Even if they try my patience to the max………

So here I am trying my hardest to practice what I preach, however hard it may get.

Educate your mind, do not neglect it!

 

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”     

Henry Ford

 

When we are in school learning is such a drag and we hated it, well most of us did. The fact that it was forced onto us is a huge factor and most of the teachers did not really make it fun for us. Given, there were those few teachers that really made the subject at hand a blast to learn. But on the whole we just couldn’t wait for the school era to end so that we could leave it all behind us. If only the teachers had the capacity to make it really interesting, especially those boring subjects, I am sure we would have really enjoyed the actual learning experience when our minds were fresh and absorbent to all the knowledge available to us.

 

Now I find that at my age (50 plus) I have this huge thirst for knowledge, to want to sit with books and learn all that I am able to. My mind has an unquenchable thirst for the things that I rejected as a young girl. My soul yearns to fly with the academics and to be able to understand what they discuss. To be able to have that power of intellectual conversation that my peers have. I find that when I start to study and absorb all that knowledge my mind becomes alive again and then I just want more and more. I have become greedy for knowledge, knowledge of the world around me, about philosophy, literature, and the workings of the environment around us, of life itself.

 

Today still I see the young not really eager to learn, they learn and study what is necessary to get them through life and to get a job but do they really realise the actual joy and privilege it is to be able to educate themselves?

 

It is a shame that we only realise it all so late in life but then again, we are more mature and the desire to learn is much more appreciated and it makes it all the more exciting. I have started my new journey to rejuvenate my mind and fill it with as much knowledge as it will allow me. You are never too old to learn new things……….

 

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.”  Albert Einstein

 

Howzit, Aweh, Hello

 

Each country has their own unique way of saying things. Those sayings that have a totally different meaning to what is actually being said. And that being said I would like to explain a few of my country’s uniqueness. Being South African we have adopted our sayings to incorporate our diverse culture.

We live on what is called ‘African time’ and only a true South African will understand the concept of “hurry up and wait”. Our lifestyle is very much a slower pace to most of the world. So here are but a few of way of saying things.

 

“On my way” actually means ‘I have not left yet.’

“I am just around the corner” actually means ‘I have just left.’

“I will be there Now Now” is actually ‘I will be there sometime today.’

“I will be there shortly” is the time frame of anything from and hour to 3 hours’ time.

“See you later” can be anything from today to a good few weeks’ time.

“Just now” is also an unknown amount of time (could mean few minutes, tomorrow, next week or just plain never). So if a South African ever says to you “I will do it just now” or “I will be there just now” don’t expect it to happen anytime soon……

‘Ag shame’ this can mean either an expression of sympathy or of admiration for e.g. “Ag shame man, you poor thing” or “Ah shame, he is so cute”

“Eish” (aysh) is an African exclamation derived from Xhosa, for surprise, disapproval, exasperation or regret. “Eish, but the service is bad!”

“Is it” (izzit) or “Sho” is used frequently in a conversation meaning ‘Is that so?’ or ‘really?’

“Jawelnofine (Yes-well-no-fine) is an expression of resignation.

The phrase of ‘yes no’ (or ja nee – Afrikaans) can be used to confirm something as it conveys a similar feeling to the work ‘Okay’ for e.g. “I heard you had the flu, how are you feeling today? Yes no, I am feeling much better thanks.”

 

These are just a few of the sayings that we South Africans love to say. I haven’t even began to mention all the different words and their meaning. I would love to hear of anymore favourite sayings from you.

Captain, my Captain

via Daily Prompt: Study

On social media people often post that “Do you have any regrets?” and to comment below on what they are. Or “What would you change if you could?” In the beginning I would actually speculate on what I would change if I could. I would think of all the “regrets” that I could muster up. Things that I could change, different conversations, people that I would rather have avoided till I really got to thinking about it. To actually sit back and study the past and all it had to give.

Yes, it would have been nice to have rather gone backpacking after school across Europe instead of getting involved and marrying so young. Yes, if I had paid more attention to myself instead of immersing myself into bringing up my children I may have been in a different place today. So many things to change but then, if I could change them, I would not have had all those amazing life lessons. Yes amazing even if they did not seem so at the time. One can truly look back and see the truth in them.

If I had not married early in life I would not have had my kids and seen them grow up into amazing young men. I would not see them become such family orientated young men if I had not been so immersed in their upbringing. I must have done something right there. I would not have learnt how to be the person I am today. To see the growth in myself as a result of all those “regrets” and “things I could change”. Given some of those I could do without but then would I have become the strong person I am today?

So, to me, I can now seriously admit, there is actually nothing I would want to change of my past. My past is what defines me, made me who I am today. I am who I am now as a direct result of all the bad that I went through.

A true saying indeed…. “I am the Captain of my own destiny”.  Or as Frankie sang…..”I did it my way!”study

Write it down time

I was listening to a lady called Dr Ruth on the television this morning and she spoke about New Year’s resolutions and she made a great suggestion. She said that a person should start a Gratitude Journal. Keep it with you in your handbag and write in it whenever you experience a sense of gratitude. Whether it be a daily journal or whenever you feel the need to write in it. Funnel all your energy into the journal. Then when things are going a bit haywire or you are feeling on the downside you can open the journal and read all the blessings and good things that have happened to you or of the beauty around you.

I thought that it was a great way to start the year with and so I am going to do just what she suggests and start my own Gratitude Journal. I will write down about all the things that I am grateful for and about the beauty I will experienced in this year, the good times, the times that I am thankful that I am alive on this Earth. Write about something somebody mentioned, the spoken compliment given to you, the smile, that touch that made you feel special. No matter how small it may seem to you, write it down.

So my New Year’s goal/resolution is to fill up that journal so that at the end of 2018 I can sit down, open it and read about all the good that happened to me during 2018.

Here is to 2018…….journal